Lifestyle Changes: Comparing Ourselves to Others

We often see people for the person they show us, not necessarily the person they are.  We don't know someone's story because we aren't in their heads! Their lives have made them who they are just as mine has made me who I am. When we start comparing ourselves, we begin to struggle because we are comparing ourselves to the person they show to the general public, not necessarily who they are in their private life.  They may struggle with depression, have a physical ailment we can't see (BTDT), have an abusive spouse, want kids but can't or any other number of items. We seriously don't know. You might think you do but you can't hear all the internal crap they are saying to themselves which influences them.

So I recently caught myself falling back into old habits. There is a group of 30-something ladies who invite each other to their latest fad diets and exercises.  I started feeling pangs of jealousy because I'm not invited. Then it hit me!  Stop comparing myself to them!  I don't know their story and they certainly don't know mine. I don't need someone else to make me value myself!

I passively listen to them talk each day then cringe at the restrictions of food they have all implemented for themselves. I want to make healthier choices for myself but I don't want to make a list of things I'm forever forbidden to ever have. That sounds insane to me! I want my life to be about balance.  If I want something, I want to be able to have some without all the guilt from eating something "I shouldn't have had". This doesn't mean I'll eat an entire bag of chips, box of crackers, or a tub of ice cream but if I want a handful of chips with my sandwich, some crackers with my soup and a few bites of sweet dessert, then I'm going to have it.  

Part of restoring myself is making lifestyle changes that will affect positive changes in my life that I want to see. I'm not into the quick fix. I want sustainable items. I want to do things that make my life better and make my soul sing. 

Yes, I'll have to remind myself that I'm enough just as I am and to stop measuring the success of my life compared to someone else.

Food for the Body and the Mind

So I went out to eat for the first time in several weeks. We went to CPK (California Pizza Kitchen) because I like how the bartender mixes drinks and the food is delicious! This is the Spinach and Asparagus Spaghettini with shrimp. Mmmmm!

My youngest wanted to go by the bookstore so before we went out to eat, we stopped to get a few things to feed my brain.  She laughed as I pulled up my blog on my phone to get my reading list so I could include a book from it.  I used to be an avid reader.  Time to get back to it!

What's on your reading list this year?

It's all in the PREP

My daughter and I realized that we really wanted to eat healthier, not to mention the fact that I ended 2014 with some stomach issues.  Eating out seems to be an issue for me. I've learned that my stomach doesn't seem to have adverse affects with home-cooked meals like it seems to with restaurant foods. Plus I get to control what's in my meals better.

I realized we spend a ton of money every year at restaurants. I work long days and at the end of them the last thing I really want to do is cook.  So like many, we began to fall into the trap of going through the drive-thru for the quick meal.

This is killing my stomach as well as our health. We discussed this for the past few months and we have determined that for 2015, we are giving up all drive-thru burgers, fries, etc!!  It sooo needs to happen.

I used to prep meals for the week and/or do frozen meals for a month.  Now that I'm down to only one at home, I no longer have need or access to my old deep freezer but that doesn't mean we can't prep our meals.

It will help when I'm too tired to cook. We can simply grab a meal out of the fridge, heat it up and voila! dinner is served!

To begin this process, I thawed out some boneless skinless chicken breast.  I lightly dusted them with flour and seasonings before pan cooking them in a skillet.  While these were cooking, I prepped a huge filet of salmon by breaking it down into smaller portions. Mmmm, we both love salmon!  I like to marinate mine with some fresh lemon juice, lemon slices, lemon zest, some seasonings and a little olive oil. While the filets marinated, I prepped fresh green beans for steaming as well as some fresh asparagus. I prepared some small red new potatoes which I oven roasted with some onions. I also made some Parmesan couscous. Once everything was cooked, the assembly began!

We are all set for the week!!  The top container has chicken breast cooked to add to salads, soups, etc. so we can add some more variety if needed.

How do you prep for the week?

Attitude of Gratitude - Gratitude Jar

One of the things towards my goal for the new year is an attitude of gratitude! I've been keeping a list of things I'm grateful for at the end of each day. Most of us have a hard time remembering all the great and wonderful things that happen to us through out our year.  We all tend to focus on the negatives. At the end of this year, I'll be able to go back and reread all of my bits of paper to demonstrate to myself just how blessed I am, even during the difficult times.

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend." ~ Melody Beattie

To help me with that, I've set-up a gratitude jar. I went to World Market and got this spiffy new jar/lantern:

I looked online for a template to use. I wanted to be able to write down things each day and drop them into the jar.  I found a template I liked on a site called Weekly Gratitude.

You can find the templates in this post.  I took the subject off mine, re-sized them to fit 8 to a sheet of paper using .5 margins in Word. I printed them out then cut them into slips of paper for my jar. They were fairly plain so I took some markers and added some color to them. Or if your whole family is using just one jar, you could assign each person a color for the year!

I keep a supply of the slips and a pen in the jar for quick and easy use each day. I like to keep my jar in the living room so if someone else wants to write something down or if I have a guest that wants to leave a message, they can do that as well. Once my gratitudes are written out, I fold the piece of paper up and drop it back into the jar. I can't wait to watch my jar fill up!

Below is a sample of one of mine. As you can see from the picture below, it's going to take me some time retraining myself into writing 2015 instead of 2014. 

If someone leaves you a memory, you may want to ask that they include their name where the date is as well. I might work on a label for my jar that provides those instructions so everyone can just leave a quick message if they feel like it.

If you make a gratitude jar, I hope you'll share your ideas! I'd love to see what you come up with!

Paying It Forward

So a friend of mine parked his bike in someone's assigned space at my apartments on New Years. My neighbor was so cool about it. He left my friend a note on his windshield wishing him a happy New Year and told him to just repay the kindness to someone else sometime. So I figured the great neighbor deserved a treat 

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My Personal Bill of Rights

• to take care of myself. This is not an act of selfishness. By taking care of me, I am declaring I am enough! I am worthy! I will treat myself just as kindly and thoughtfully as I would anyone else. Just because somebody might be disappointed that I am taking care of me rather than help him or her, that’s his or her choice to feel that way. They will need to learn to adjust and be responsible for themselves.

• to seek help from others I am comfortable asking help from, even though some may object with my choice. I recognize the limits of my own endurance and strength so I will seek answers from those whom I feel are most helpful with whatever my present situation is. 

• to express all of my feelings. We are emotional beings. It is ok to express them all! This means it's ok to get angry, be depressed and express other difficult feelings occasionally including shame, uncertaintiy, confusion, etc. while also being deliriously happy.

• to reject any attempts by anyone, including relatives, to manipulate me either directly or indirectly, through guilt and/or depression.

• to receive consideration, affection, forgiveness and acceptance from my loved ones for what I do, for as long as I offer these qualities in return.

• to be happy. I will not allow the emotional well-being of others to detract from my own happiness. It feels great to smile!

• to make mistakes and not have to be perfect. Perfection is an illusion - nothing in the world is perfect. My goal is to be the best me, I can be. I shall find grace in my flaws, for they are beautiful things.

• to be scared and say that I'm scared. I won't let my fears prevent me from seeking personal growth but only I get to determine what limits me, no one else. If they don't understand them, that's on them, not me.

• to take pride in what I am accomplishing and to applaud the courage it has sometimes taken to meet the challenges in my life.

• to choose my own friends and acquaintances as well as how and when to spend time with them. I may justify these choices, but I don’t have to.

• to give others the responsibility for their own beliefs, decisions, feelings, and thoughts, without feeling guilty, anxious, or selfish. Feeling responsible for other ablebodied adults often burdens me and provides roadblocks to their ability to grow their own self-confidence and self-respect.

• to be playful and frivolous. Laughter is great medicine to my soul and sometimes it feels great to throw caution to the wind. Don't take life so damned seriously all the time!  Take time to LIVE!

• to protect my individuality and my right to make a life for myself that will sustain me both monetarily and emotionally.

• to say "I don't know".  It is a great thing to realize what I know and what I don't. It allows me to seek out answers and to understand that no one knows everything. Those who think they do are really suffering delusions of grandeur and I will not be made to feed into it.

• to my own needs for personal space and time - without guilt. Sometimes I need to seek solice in the silent inner workings of my inner self. I use this time to figure out myself, commune with nature, and to allow myself time to rest, relax and recharge. Don't take my need for some alone down time personally, if you are uncomfortable with my need for it, that's not my responsibility.  

• to take all the time I need to evaluate and make important life-decisions. If this stresses others, they are responsible for asserting their needs and I'm responsible for balancing them with mine, if I choose.

• to be in a non-abusive environment, both physically and emotionally. I never have to remain where anyone feels compelled to make me "less" to their "more". 

• to change and grow. None of us are who we were 10 years, 10 months, 10 weeks, 10 days, 10 hours or even 10 minutes ago. Our experiences help influence and define us. Embrace the change!! It is the one constant in the world. 

• to be treated with respect and dignity.  It is ok to stand up for myself and demand that someone treat me the way I treat them and to walk away from anyone who does not do so. They don't have to understand nor agree with my needs or wants but they must respect my choices. 

• to be heard and clearly understood. My thoughts, feelings, wants, needs, dreams, and dignity are as valid, worthy, and important as anyone else’s. I don't have to use specific words nor have to explain myself in a specific way. 

• to have my physical, emotional, and spiritual privacy and boundaries respected by others. I accept my responsibility to respect theirs as well.